my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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