Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival