Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.

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  (909): I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice. http://tfl.nu/z7v3
  Replies (14) Good night (4717) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball

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  (925): He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball http://tfl.nu/qmmn
  Replies (43) Good night (868) Bad night (4874)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self

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  (336): i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self http://tfl.nu/v0ky
  Replies (24) Good night (4497) Bad night (1197)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.

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  (706): Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully. http://tfl.nu/qn1h
  Replies (119) Good night (12535) Bad night (1283)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."

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  (208): I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing." http://tfl.nu/1ant
  Replies (26) Good night (6473) Bad night (819)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death

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  (317): He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death http://tfl.nu/foc2
  Replies (6) Good night (3477) Bad night (1123)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.

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  (806): with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible. http://tfl.nu/qot7
  Replies (31) Good night (10389) Bad night (1358)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.

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  (514): bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister. http://tfl.nu/visn
  Replies (7) Good night (1502) Bad night (2386)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.

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  (312): I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy. http://tfl.nu/9mbp
  Replies (5) Good night (792) Bad night (2391)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"

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  (212): all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???" http://tfl.nu/w522
  Replies (8) Good night (1452) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.

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  (516): So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two. http://tfl.nu/ti8k
  Replies (1) Good night (467) Bad night (366)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch

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  (505): I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch http://tfl.nu/ri64
  Replies (3) Good night (1079) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask

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  (503): You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask http://tfl.nu/3k90
  Replies (4) Good night (827) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis

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  (224): Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis http://tfl.nu/y26w
  Replies (5) Good night (472) Bad night (280)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.

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  (813): He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants. http://tfl.nu/o9ns
  Replies (1) Good night (678) Bad night (282)

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