walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
