I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
