I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.