Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(985): View more from Louisiana

for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now

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(985): for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now http://tfl.nu/fzln

Replies (59) Good night (954) Bad night (4767)
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(951): View more from California

As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it

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(951): As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it http://tfl.nu/zufl

Replies (9) Good night (2525) Bad night (840)
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(+07): View more from

tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?

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(+07): tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance? http://tfl.nu/7v50

Replies (34) Good night (5406) Bad night (1072)
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(540): View more from Virginia

Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.

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(540): Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh. http://tfl.nu/suhk

Replies (15) Good night (6151) Bad night (1102)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.

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(609): You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line. http://tfl.nu/s6mt

Replies (27) Good night (2903) Bad night (1906)
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(308): View more from Nebraska

Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.

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(308): Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar. http://tfl.nu/fw94

Replies (14) Good night (6125) Bad night (1198)
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(406): View more from Montana

i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.

(1-406): View more from Montana

haha i know

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(406): i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt. (1-406): haha i know http://tfl.nu/vo1w

Replies (21) Good night (7810) Bad night (1307)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.

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(734): Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books. http://tfl.nu/5hjw

Replies (17) Good night (4344) Bad night (858)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness

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(412): I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness http://tfl.nu/j7n1

Replies (4) Good night (1590) Bad night (732)
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(206): View more from Washington

That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods

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(206): That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods http://tfl.nu/achd

Replies (6) Good night (3707) Bad night (660)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.

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(501): The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game. http://tfl.nu/4bmh

Replies (2) Good night (1169) Bad night (770)
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(407): View more from Florida

i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka

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(407): i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka http://tfl.nu/95pf

Replies (4) Good night (410) Bad night (724)
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(434): View more from Virginia

I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.

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(434): I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night. http://tfl.nu/x36l

Replies (1) Good night (349) Bad night (661)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.

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(513): I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out. http://tfl.nu/5bcz

Replies (0) Good night (326) Bad night (527)
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(360): View more from Washington

I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000

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(360): I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000 http://tfl.nu/u3g9

Replies (3) Good night (546) Bad night (289)

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