I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
