the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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