This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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