I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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