Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
