so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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