I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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