I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
you never un-have a 4some
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
