i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
