Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
