eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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