plz talk dirty to me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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