Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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