she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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