So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
