Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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