sarcasm needs its own font
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
