Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
