North Korea, Best Korea!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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