the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
