I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Randomize
