i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.