grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.