he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest