Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
