i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize