I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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