When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
