now i know why i became what i already was.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
