My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
