I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
