I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
