you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
