also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
