i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
