Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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