My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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