Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
