My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
