i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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