The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
