I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
