Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
