it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
