My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
