He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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