No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize