who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just sent this text using only my big toe
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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