Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
