We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you traded sex for a burrito?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
