Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
