I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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