he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize