I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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