I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
