Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
