I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize