You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
