Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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