She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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