i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
