Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
