I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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