that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
