It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
